explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
