IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
