I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
