I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you made out with another girl for some wings
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
