people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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