you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Randomize
