just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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