just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
