I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
