Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
