im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm too high and old for this...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
