he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
