Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize