White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
