What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
