I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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