if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
bring money and cleavage
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
