guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
