I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
