sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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