I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
