my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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