and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
