My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
