The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
