So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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