I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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