you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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