so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
