Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
