i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
