My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
