Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
