i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
