i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
