she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
