people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
