I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
