I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize