So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
