I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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