I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
