were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
