My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
