I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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