Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
