i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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