Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
