I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
