Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
