Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
