I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
