o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
