ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
