Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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