3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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