Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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