just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
