so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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