I hate all girls vehemently.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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