You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
