final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
