somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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