Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
