Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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