with your own penis?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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