dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It all started with a game of naked twister.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
