if you like me you must not know who I am
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
