1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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