I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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