wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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