dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
