You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
