If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this boner is exhausting
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
