My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
