I didn't shave. On purpose
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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