just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
