You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
