i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize