uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
PANTIES FOUND
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
