ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
