how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
