I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
